please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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