I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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