you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
