Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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