that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
