her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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