I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
