I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
