Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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