Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
