He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
