fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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