i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
3 2 1 whiskey
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
