I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
