I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
