I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
