We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found puke in my bra..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
