I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize