I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
