You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
