Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
