Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
