Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
