I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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