Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
