the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
