It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
