Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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