Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
