If that was your dad, he is hot
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
