my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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