and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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