Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
