I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You smell like stripper and shame
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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