Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
