There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
