im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
