Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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