I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
