Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
