Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
