therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
