if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize