i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
