So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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