The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
