He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize