I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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