Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
