You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
