I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just gargled with NyQuil
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
