You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
