i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
