10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
