youre lurking in front of me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize