Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
