I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
COCAINE IS GR8
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
