Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sisters under your porch take her home
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
