could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
