We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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