she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
