Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
