You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
