Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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