Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
