What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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