Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
