Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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