I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
