please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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