put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize