Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
