Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
