I accidentally had phone sex last night
id be glad to
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize