This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
