since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
