whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
