We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
