College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
