Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
