I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
