Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize