i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
