Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
