last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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